I have this big problem, and it's called my life.

It was quite a last minute decision for me to come to university. The entire time I was at school I didn't think about going at all. 

This was until the start of my final year of 6th form and all everyone was talking about was university. This was one of the first times I actually went  ''oh shit, I have to go have a life of my own soon.'' After a few meeting with some woman who had fuck all helpful to say I decided that going to university will if anything by me some time before I had to make a big decision. 

Drama was the only subject I ever enjoyed going to, so it seemed the perfect option to choose when it came on deciding on what subject to take. I used to love being one of the best in the class (big headed) as it was so far from the norm to what I was used to academically. I used to love the freedom that was in that classroom, you could put your own personal twist on what you had to do and create something you could be so involved in. 

However something has changed since those years of performing in room D2 of Corfe Hills School. I'm not sure if it's because I've changed or simply Iv'e lost the spark that I used to have with the subject. After 1 year and 4 lectures of studying drama in Winchester I'm seriously wondering whether there's any point of me being here. I was sat in my theatre in education/ drama in education lecture, the lecturer was speaking about the way that some people find drama not important and that it falls under English in the education curriculum. Prompting lots of students rolling their eyes and uttering how ridiculous it is that drama isn't considered a real subject and I just found myself seriously not caring. I've lost my passion. I feel I don't fit in with these people who care so much about this subject, all they care about is performing and I seriously don't see the point. God, the Rikki Bissagar of year 11 would have been so pissed off that drama wasn't considered important that he would have expressed his anger through interpretive dance. (lol, drama joke)

The only problem is that I'm not passionate about anything, there's nothing that I REAAALLLLY want to do with my life and it's a serious problem. Whenever I go to my past time job a have this feeling of pure hatred of what I'm going to do for the next however many hours. I need to find something I'm passionate about, I refuse to be someone who hates what he does for the rest of his life. 

At least I have a thriving social life to fall back on. Oh wait. 

A very short story

He sits alone in a room, his hands pressed so hard against his closed eyes that he can see the stars.
He was once told that to live inside your mind would be a miraculous thing, as it's a place where your imagination and creativity can flourish.
But what happens when your mind becomes a dark place?
And what happens when your mind becomes a place you can't escape from?

I'm Introvert.

" You're so boring." "Come on you're 19 years old!" "Such a waste of a student." These are just a few things that people seem to say to me, most of which come from my family on a weekly basis. 

Now I'm not the type of guy who wants to go out all the time, or one that finds drinking 24/7 particularly appealing. Because of this some people seem to think that I'm boring or someone that doesn't like to have a good time but this isn't the case. I'm simply an introverted person, and because of this I don't need to be doing these things to have a good time. 

Broadly speaking everybody on this planet can be placed into two different personality types, introverts and extroverts. Extroverted people are those who get their energy from being around people and being social, where as introverts are people who recharge by being with themselves and alone. ( I copied this entire definition as I couldn't think of a better phrased one,  from a guy called Charlie McDonnell who made a video about being introvert  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCgj2Gor25g .) 

As a person who falls into the introverted personality type I can't think of a better thing to do than an afternoon/ evening of being on the internet and watching a good film. Now don't get me wrong there are times in my life where I drink an entire bottle of fireball and make an absolute tit out of myself. Or drink so much alcohol that I almost get beaten up by a girl and try to fall asleep in the middle of Magaluf. But overall this is something I can't do on a weekly basis. 

Magaluf you ruined me

I think that the way teenagers are represented in programmes like skins and the way university students are generally portrayed in the media some people find it difficult to understand that not everyone my age is like this. But after you go onto sites like twitter and especially tumblr you will see that there are many introverts out there, and one day we will take over the world with our social awkwardness. 

Friends for never.

Cheesy title huh? Ah well, I'm back! Haven't written a blog post in a while so thought it was time to set that right. 

This idea started last night when I went through my old Facebook profile ( I had to get a new one as I forgot the password for it.) When browsing through the wall posts lots of memories of what was happening at the time came back and what was sad was that the majority of the people writing them I haven't seen in years. 

Now I know this isn't exactly uncommon, people change, grow apart and it's just apart of life. The fact is if I didn't stop becoming friends with people at certain times I wouldn't have become friends with the next set of people. Yet, it's strange to think about how close I was with certain people who now would probably have to think twice if asked what uni I went to. For example there was this guy and for a good couple of years I would have classed him as my best friend. Various shopping trips, sleep overs in his loft and banter about the size of his fingers and the size of my head ( sounds quite dodgy but was funny. ) I used to be able to just stroll into his house and now If I went there I would feel pretty awkward. 

Next set of people Is actually quite sad, had been a pretty tight nit group for years. Every now and again we would have our disagreements, various girlfriends getting in the way and alcohol fuelled arguments. ( At one point fists flying)  but overall we were close. Yet one day it came to an end, and not going to lie it sucks stop being close to the majority of your friends at once. Especially since they all managed to remain quite chummy, just minus a couple of members. Especially one member, who despite fall outs over girls and other things we always managed to make up, again at a time I would have classed him as my 'best friend' but now I can't even remember what company he works for, for all I know he could have quit. 

The final person and me have a lot of history, she used to love me in year 9 when I was a 'chav', had various  levels of friendship but at the end of all this she became my best friend. I just looked through our old conversations and again memories came back, she spent pretty much my entire 18th with me, walked through stormy weather to get Chinese food  and we spent various evening slept on each others sofa's / floors / beds. Now it's sad we're not as close any more as in all honesty I adore this girl, she's one of the most funny, kind, and talented people I've ever met. And she's pretty good at making nacho's! I hope that I get to see her soon as It's been a while since we went shopping or watched a horror film. 

Now I know this is getting long and you've probably got bored of my moaning, but before I end I just want to say to all the people I have spoke about this, it  wasn't in any way a bitching / slagging off about the way we're no longer friends. In fact it's the complete opposite and a way of saying thank you for the memories, as I have had quite a few good one's in my 19 years. I hope you're all enjoying life at different uni's / colleges / jobs and in one case parts of the world. Who knows maybe there's still time for a few more in months we're back in sunny old Poole. 

OK, final point. I can't post an entire blog about former best friends without mentioning my favourite people atm, the people I have met at uni honestly have had such an influence on me already and I adore you. I can't wait for the next 3 years with you all. But there's a guy at home still who need's a mention as he's been there throughout ( oop cheesy. ) In the past he was the but of everyone's jokes, but lucky for me he stuck around as nowadays he's one of the only people I am sure is going to be a friend for life. We have the same music taste which is pretty crazy, love of board games and finally just love the same weird shit like random YouTube video's. We can go weeks without seeing each other and then meet up and act like we've seen each other the day before, which in all honesty is pretty rare. So yeah, you're friendship is much appreciated.

I'm quite weird

helloooooooooooooooooo lovely people who are reading this, you look lovely today, I like what you've done with your hair :) I haven't posted for nearly a month which is absolutely ludacris, so I thought I would write a post about some of the weird things I do.

The majority of my evenings are spent on the wonderful place that is the internet, and with so much at my disposal I find myself wasting time looking and researching into some very random things. Things include recently....

Salvador Dali - Yup him, the other night I spent around an hour looking into the work and the life of the Spanish surrealist artist Salvador Dali. I have no idea why I did this, but I enjoyed looking at a variety of his paintings and spent a rather long time gazing at his wonderful moustache.







                                                                                                                                one hell of a moustache.


Pirates- 'Yarrrrr' 'yo ho ho ho and a bottle of rum' and all that shit. Anyway I've always been a fan of pirates, when I was a young child I had this book that had a biography of many of the famous pirates of history. My favourites included Sir Francis Drake and Edward Teach (Blackbeard.) I also looked to see if I could find the book on Amazon as I loved it so much but alas I couldn't :(











                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                              I'm loving Blackbeard's stance here.














Dinosaur's - They are fucking awesome, I am a fan of these creatures that lived a rather long time before we came along and made this planet boring as shit. Imagine if they were still about? How fucking awsome would it be to buy a pet pterodactyl (yes I did Google the spelling, why the fuck is there a silent P?) or ride to work on the back of a triceratops. Also the fact we might be eaten by a T-rex would bring excitement to everyone's day :D.                                                                                    
                                                                                                                               fucking awsome.



Anyway hope you enjoyed this Blog, I'll try to write more but I'm not promising anything.

Tales from a different time..

My Granddad is one of the most important people in my life, and defiantly the most interesting. So I thought it would be pretty fun to tell you some of his stories that he's told me over the years. If you enjoy reading this half as much as I did listening to them you're in for a treat... 

My mum's family used to live in South Africa and because of this my Granddad used to go fish for them to have food, one day he was sat next to a lake when he felt a warm breath on the back of his neck. With the noise that was coming from behind him he knew what it was... baboon's. 

Ok, I know this doesn't sound amazingly scary and perhaps a little silly, but baboons are fucking vicious. My granddad knew that if he moved at all he would be ripped to pieces by the pack, the worst thing was that at the time his line was in the water. So for hours he sat there praying that a fish didn't take the bate... if it had the line would jolt his arm and the attack would begin. So he sat. And waited. Eventually the leader got bored and left, bringing the pack with him. My Granddad was safe. 

So there we go the first tale of my Granddad, if you found this interesting let me know and I'll do more :) 

If you could be anything what would it be?

When asked this question I'm sure a few things pop to mind, a footballer scoring the winning goal for your country at the world cup, an actor receiving an Oscar, or a rock star on stage with millions of people singing the lyrics you've written. At some point in my life I've wanted to be all of these things however all of these have nothing on how much I'd wish to be a tattoo artist.

If you've ever had a conversation with me or read any of my previous blog posts/ twitter feed you will know how much I enjoy tattoos. However this is only a tiny indication of how much my love for tattoo's is. I just find everything about them interesting, the art, the stories, the meanings and how happy it can make people. I spend WAY to much of my free time googling tattoo's people have got and going round different web pages looking at different artist's piece's. This is why I would absolutely adore to be a tattoo artist, it's something that would make me look forward to go to work every day.

Which is why it fucking sucks I can't draw or write fancy script so this won't come true. I guess being a drama teacher is a great second choice.

There's a lot to look forward to.

I quite like having a blog, however I'm finding it really difficult to have things to write about. i guess this is mostly due to the fact that I'm quite a boring person, my nights are mostly filled with catching up on TV, listening to music, drinking tea and playing board games with my lovely house mates and best friend. (chess & monopoly are my favourite) So I thought I would tell you about some of the things I'm looking forward in the upcoming year in more detail, as I write this I have an awful feeling I've already written something like this, that would show how little I have to talk about considering I've posted about 15 times.

Anyway I'm going to do it anyhow...

Soccer am : This Saturday I'm travelling up to London with my best friend and his family to watch soccer am get filmed. Only about 30 people get to go a week and the guest list is quite long so I'm chuffed I get to go and meet Tubes and the gang :) very exciting.  

"Lads" holiday : I put lads in brackets because I don't really like this term, I find it ever so cliché, also I'm not very laddy at all. But WHO CARES, me and the amazing people who I went to Amsterdam with have decided to go somewhere else in the word for a week of alcohol consumption. The destination is yet to be decided but I feel it will be somewhere like Zante or SHAGaluff (lol) as they're cheap and as poor university students is ideal.

Reading Festival : Because last year was so amazing me and Louis are going again, this time will be slightly different in form of the group of people. Although I'm sad I probably won't go with the group I did last year, going with only boys will be good as we won't get pushed around and have to leave a venue like we did last year ( The midnight beast, them 12 year old fans can get vicious and we had to leave.) Also this will be my second year so I will know my way around and know what to expect so should be amazing :D

I hope to be Writing more regularly but I like to write things because I want to, nothing that is sloppily done. so hopefully you enjoyed this and farewell :) x

pet hates - part 2

Just like my previous pet hate blog these two are slightly contradictory, but I understand what I mean so hopefully you will to.

1. hate on the internet: Iv'e read/ seen many comments and lots of people online slagging off and saying awful things about over people. It kind of makes me feel sick that people think it's ok to do things like this. I understand that when people post things online if it's a video or pictures or even their opinion they want people to respond. But this is not an excuse for some of the things people say, in the case iv'e seen recently this guy Jamie Ryan Dee is 'internet famous' for the webpage Tumblr ... anyway he posted a photo shoot online of him and someone else hanging around an old church which included leaning on an old gravestone. Even though he wrote that he had permission from the church and the graves were over 500 years old people still said some very serious responses. These include calling him a cunt and saying he should kill himself. How the fuck is that ? why the fuck? I don't understand how people can say these things to a 16 year old kid...  especially when the thing they're mad about is being respectful to the dead..... how is wanting someone to die respecting the dead? Pathetic. 

2. arrogance: I might have spoken about this before I can't really remember but it REALLY annoys me so here we go.... people who think they're better than other for no real reason is ridiculous. I read someone respond to a question pretty much shouting at the person who asked the question because they hadn't read his FAQ. How much must you love yourself that you assume everyone loves you enough to read a fat off paragraph about your fucking uninteresting life.  blah. dickheads.

3. One direction fans: I'm sorry but your fucking crazy, one direction are ok but WHY DO PEOPLE ON TWITTER JIZZ OVER THEM. Listen to some other fucking musicians please and get a life. 

Semester 2 BOOYAH

WOOOO, after arriving back to the lovely town of Winchester on Friday all alone today (Sunday) all my friends arrived. So now my fucking essay is finally done printed and everything I currently have nothing to stress over, I know this will be over soon most likely tomorrow but for the mean time I'm happy.

Not going to lie these last couple of days have been extreamly frustrating due to the fact I brought my new laptop with me and had to go through registering it. For those of you at university you may remember having to do this back in September and how annoying it is. I'm still not 100% sure ive done it correctly, alas we'll have to see.

Anyway I digress, I'm SO looking forward to this year for many a reason A. I just bloody love university B. I know I actually have friends here now so I can see them whenever I want. Finally C. I might actually meet new people, I love the friends I already have but what wrong with meeting more? This semester I'll go out with my drama class more and meet some new people.

If this semester is half as good as the last one I'll be pretty chuffed, so yeah watch this space :) 

pet hates

The other day I was reading the very lovely Grace's blog  http://braceletsandbangles.blogspot.com/ on pet hates and decided I would tell you all some of mine. 

I was looking at my stats and saw that someone had read my blog in America (thank you very much, how lovely) so thought I would explain that a pet hate is something small that really irritates you. Ova wise known in America as a pet peeve, (Michael Buckley taught me that.) Anyway I wont diverge any longer and begin to tell you some of the small things that grind my gears.

1. When people are late: I'm sorry but unless you have a valid reason I find it quite rude if you agree to meet someone somewhere and they arrive 15, 20 or 30 minutes late. There's no real excuse really I mean how difficult is it to get ready and meet someone somewhere? I can't think of anything I hate more than being ready to go out and just wondering around the house aimlessly waiting, Also the awkward sit down on the sofa I do when I'm waiting sort of watching t.v but to annoyed at someone lateness to pay attention. One specific time this occurred was when I had to get somewhere for a certain time and the person who wanted to  go with me turned up at my house to give me a lift when the time period to arrive was pretty much over. 

2. Being to early for something: I know this completely contradicts my first pet hate but there's something about being somewhere to early when it's not needed really annoys me. Everyone know's when a house party says be there at half 7 you don't turn up until at least an hour in when people have arrived and had a few drinks. My lovely friend Ash know's how much i dislike being early especially the time he turned up at 20 to 1 to go to class when it didn't start to 1.... no one wants to be waiting outside in the cold for 10 minutes.

3. People using/moving my stuff: I love my mum but this very much falls down to her. She likes to move my stuff (often very important things) to keep them safe and then forgets where she puts them. I know some of you will be like ''so selfish, I would love my mum to clean up after me'' I don't mind if she cleans my things but like moving to university has proven I will clean my room when needed, it may look like a mess to the naked untrained eye but I know where everything is. 

stress

Also i'm very sorry I haven't been writing very much, I'm currently writing an essay for my History and Context class it's pretty much taking up all my time. This is mostly because I write about the post of a common snail, I could probably get a 1st in procrastination (lame, overused joke.) Ah well hopefully when I get the time I'll write longer/ more interesting blogs but for the mean time you can make do with this.

love you all <3

pointless

me and my best friend are obsessed with pointless on bbc1, it's amazing and slowly becoming one of my favourite show

no title can explain this

im not going to spam my twitter so i doubt anyone will read this but something feels good about putting something out there.

i can't explain it but i don't think im going to live to an old age, i just can never imagine myself being 70, 80. When i'm in my 20's i can see my head exploding from all the strange things in my mind... maybe i should start painting and be strangely brilliant.

Idk, fuck the system, golf wang